Jodie Marsh-land (Boggy. damp and full of wildlife?)

This Photo Has Been Enhanced.

This Photo Has Been Enhanced.

There’s very little more annoying than someone who gets paid stupid amounts of money for simply existing. The British Media have a lot to answer for – including upcoming  future annoyance listees such as Katona, Jordan, Lloyd (Danielle, not Grossman, he’s spelt with one L), Jack Tweed etc etc. Famous simply for behaving badly, or dressing badly, or a combination of the two.  I don’t think anyone could deny that our latest offering is a spectacular combination of the two.

When she first appeared on the “falling out of nightclubs in very little clothing” scene, she set herself up as a rival for Jordan-Katie-Price-Andre, but with the “I have natural tits” unique selling point. Don’t we all, love.

If you could make mammoth amounts of cash simply for having a decent pair of  Spaniel’s ears, the small proportion of the female population that can still pass the pencil test would be coining it in on a daily basis. It is rare that the baps of the average laydee on the street are perky enough to earn money on their own merit, and even then, they have to be accompanied by some sort of facial arrangement that doesnt look like a particularly vicious fight in a toolbag.  How then, did you manage it?

To be fair, when she’s not plastered in day-glo orange polyfilla, she scrubs up reasonably well.  But she’s never quite managed to match up to her rival when it comes to bagging the headlines (although she might well do better with her head in a lined bag).

Cast your minds back to when Jordan appeared on “I’m A Former Celebrity Trying To Regain My Past Notoriety By Scoffing Kangaroo’s Nutsack, Get Me Out Of Here With A Large Wad Of Cash To Fall Back On” – which spawned the realityationship nightmare coupling of Jordan and Peter Andre.

So how did Jodie Marsh counteract that?

Faked a search for a husband on a programme commissioned by MTV that should have been called “I’m Not A Celebrity, But I’m Auditioning To Be Jodie Marshes Husband, What Was I Thinking, Get Me The Hell Out Of Here!” while quietly nobbing the eventual winner the whole time and for several months prior to the start of filming, Matt Peacock, who just so happened to have been the bloke Jordan dumped to get with Pete.

Sloppy seconds, nom nom nom.

They did marry, it lasted an earthshattering three months, and then it all went tits up (natural tits of course!) and various jaffabased backs were covered by the excuse “It was only ever for the publicity and the money anyway so Ner Ner Ner Ner Ner..”

And so, it stumbled on, endlessly, through copious copies of Zoo and Nuts and “I’m An Oaf Who Likes To Look At Tits” magazine, until, that moment, when she took her USP, and enhanced them (and I use that term very loosely) into a size GG.

Nowadays, Jodie is more of a ladies lady, having been in a relationship with a woman for several months, and I really actually hope it makes her happy, because by all appearances, nothing else ever has. If Jordan and Jodie had a battle of insecurities, I couldn’t actually call who would win it, but it’s probably time to give their backs and our rubbernecks a rest and disappear off into oblivion.  Please. If you really wouldn’t mind. Thanks.


2 Responses to “Jodie Marsh-land (Boggy. damp and full of wildlife?)”

  1. Being as Lady Jodie hails from the Royal borough of Essex, I do feel that I should come to her defence.

    I once met her at a MENSA afternoon tea you know and was astounded by her ability to play a winning game of Snakes and Ladders. After chatting to her for what seemed liked nanoseconds, she spoke of her plight as a bullied child and explained that she could have been a solicitor “if it wernt for them beaches at school dragin me darn.” I explained to her the prospect of being a ‘mature student’ to which she rightly replied “I is now got Tits tho innit.” No argument from me… and a mighty fine and respectable career they have brought her.

  2. clackdish Says:

    mmmmmmmmmmm where to start, i could rant on for hours about this type of “celeb”, but i wont haha i chose to be mature and follow the adage we all have to earn a living, but i just wish she would fuck off and take the rest of her ilk with her and all go somewhere really hot so their tits would explode and that would be the end of that. or put her and her siamese twat i mean twin in a locked room (go jordan ha ha ) maybe they would talk each other to death or something one lives in hope, well enough about pointless folk like this, lets hope they upset an imam or some thing oopps !!!

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