You Are What You Shit… Gillian McKeith

Pungent.

Pungent.

Apologies for the lack of daily blog updates, doing my best to juggle the needs of the Sims on my phone child with chicken pox with the needs of the people baying for schmelebrity cutting edge wit. 

Today’s  “douleur dans le cul” could quite legitimately be described as a right pain in the arse.

Or rather, an inspector of things that caused a right pain in the arse once.

The nutritionalist formerly known as Doctor, Gillian McKeith, who ISN’T a medical doctor, has been haranguing fatties about their diets in an attempt to get them to improve the way they eat for a few years now in Channel 4’s “You Are What You Eat”. For added shock value, she has a good rifle through her victim’s willing volunteers faecal matter on a hunt for sweetcorn kernels. It can’t seriously be for any other reason than that – does she not realise that they are really just the shells filled with more poo? 

She is constantly criticised by various authorities on healthy eating, for her “dangerous” eating plans, ran into a bit of trouble for calling herself Doctor when her Doctorate came from an uncredited American college of nutrition, and as a result, now no longer sells any of her products under the guise of “Doctor.”  Her thesis appears not to have been published at all and according to wiki, one of her fiercest critics managed to obtain a qualification of the same level for his dead cat for the princely sum of £60 off the internet. Amazing.

If you needed any further reassurance as to why this silly bint has made it on to the list, why not visit her website? You can find it by googling, I’m not going to help her to “help” you by linking the bloody thing, but suffice to say, it’s a nice poo brown colour, but you can’t do shit all with it till you fork out £24.99 for one of her personal health profiles.

Alternatively, you can pay £9.99 a month to be part of her in-crowd and join her “boot camp”. You can have unlimited goes at her personal health profiles while you are joined up, but interestingly, Gillian recommends you do them every 6 weeks, and hey, you have to sign up for a minimum three month subscription. So, let’s do the maths here – £24.99 for a one off profiling, OR £29.97 for probably two profiles over the three months. Either way, when she tells you that your superfood is five bags of blueberries for breakfast, thats going to multiply your food bill by at least the same amount per week. And your poo will be purple.

It doesn’t say in the sales pitch whether or not you should send in a sample of your own poo for analysis, but I kind of think I would feel obliged to.  But I might just wrap it in paper, instead of putting it in a sample jar.

“57% of People Fail To Produce A Daily Poo! Is that you?” she asks on her website. Well obviously for the last few days its been a bit trickier, but generally, I produce Poo daily, and I post it on here. SO HA AT YOU! You big poo.

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3 Responses to “You Are What You Shit… Gillian McKeith”

  1. hastalavegan Says:

    Horrible, horrible woman who knows nothing about what ‘normal’ poo should look like. She is not qualified and should stop pretending to be. I also am not a fan of her new product line in holland and barretts. Just because your disgusting poo loving face is on a tin of haricot beans does NOT mean I want to pay an extra £2 for it.

    Devil woman. Eat my shit.

  2. I will not turn this comment into an essay length torrent of reasons why this woman is more annoying than getting a pubic hair stuck at the back of your throat!

    I will not turn this comment into an essay length torrent of reasons why this woman is more annoying than getting a pubic hair stuck at the back of your throat!

    I will not turn this comment into an essay length torrent of reasons why this woman is more annoying than getting a pubic hair stuck at the back of your throat!

    Let’s just say that I don’t like her very much.

  3. I have always known that our Gilly is the sister of the witch from the wizard of oz, though have kept this to myself until now… I expect you are now looking at her now and saying, “My glord! How did I not see that straight away?” Yes, the resemblance is uncanny. I understand she uses the same surgeon and products as Michael Jackson, to give her that ‘near human’ buff finish.

    I would warn people however, of the dangers of throwing a bucket of water over ‘wicked Gilly of the west’ – try it and you will see what I mean… And yes, other ‘wet’ products derived from human or beast work just as well.

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