Madonna – Put it away love, its overused and wiffy!

Get back to Snake Mountain, Skeletor Old Bean!

Get back to Snake Mountain, Skeletor Old Bean!

I’m young/old enough to remember Madonna in her heyday, from the moment she exploded onto the music scene, through her “shock and awe” era, from the pointy cone tits, through “In Bed With Madonna” and “Sex” and even as far as her “Ray of Light” moment. For one reason or another, pretty much every thing she ever did up to that point was to a degree, reasonably cool and did exactly what it said on the tin – it shocked, it made us sit up, it hid the fact that she wasn’t the worlds most fantastic singer, or the world’s most stunning beauty.

She married Sean Penn, she dated Warren Beatty, (and apparently Vanilla Ice, but I’m sure that was just an oversight), she went on a hunt for the father of her child, scored him, got knocked up, gave birth apparently entirely independently, and did hot girl-on-girl stuff. Basically, she was the epitome of a wanton side that many women would aspire to. Appearing to actually not give a crap about what anyone thought of her – ace.

But now, now she’s 50. Instead of pointy cone tits, we have the beige hellgirdle she wore while leaping around all over several cars with too-cool-for-school Justin Timberlake, (and more to the point, why DO people fancy him?) instead of marrying hot movie stars (or even vaguely hot movie directors) she’s slipping Britney Spears the tongue. Surely akin to french kissing your granny, (the one with the moustache and hairy moles) for poor old Britters. In her shoes, I’d have shaved my head and bathed in bleach a few times myself.

Instead of the woman who wanted a baby so bad she hand picked the father, she’s rampaging through African countries handpicking a random selection of children herself from a range of orphanages, despite the fact that shes probably post-menopausal or nearly there and old enough to BE their granny by probably a good 15-20 years. No doubt they will have a better life financially with her, but are they there to be children, or are they being used as a desperate attempt to recapture lost youth? Having read her brothers autobiography, he seems to be of the opinion that what Madonna wants, Madonna gets. I guess she’s a superstar, so that’s allowed. Although, Michael Jackson is a superstar, and if he tried to do that… I’m sure a few eyebrows would be raised.  

And finally,  just to add to the whole bizarreness, she’s shagging Jesus.

Someone needs to have a bit of a word, like. When you are starting to look like the bit of a chicken you stuff the onion garlic and breadcrumbs into, it’s time to start putting on something a bit more classy than your nan’s old support undergarments for your music videos, and keep your badly packed kebab as a distant memory for your fans. 50 year old camel toe, is very very very uncool.  

Kabollocks to your crazy religion, you can keep your stringy red wristbands, well, you can try, but your wrists are getting so slim they will probably just fall off unless you double wrap them round your neck as well. And yes, yes, we all know you had a staunch Catholic upbringing which you rebelled against, and indeed, I’m not at all religious myself, each to their own and all that crap, but Jesus, Madonna, Jesus!

Far be it from me to say that she’s just too old to be doing what she’s doing. But she’s just too old to be doing what shes doing. It’s no longer shocking, it’s just fairly gruesome and a weeny bit nauseating. Not QUITE as nauseating as Ainsley Harriott Fruit Salad, but not far off.

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2 Responses to “Madonna – Put it away love, its overused and wiffy!”

  1. cloudane Says:

    Ohh so this is what you get up to these days 🙂

    Great stuff. You have a way with words. Packed kebab hahaha This blog should be a big hit.

    Agreed – my goodness Madonna, you’re old, and you don’t have yourhful looks jutsu even if you think you do. Put it away, grandma!

  2. MrsMinxington Says:

    Cloudy!!!! 😀 YAY!

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