Sarah Jessica Parker(-Bowles)

4 Faults

4 Faults

So, there you are, cantering through a field, chewing on hay, occasionally hopping over fences and having a grand old time. Then someone asks you if you want to star in this new comedy drama thing about four middle aged hags trying to relive their youth through drinking too much, wearing charity shop reject clothes and shagging anything that seems to have a pulse.

“Why would I want to do that?” you bray. “That sounds like a lot of work for a horse. After all, my life here is relaxed, I have little to worry about except the occasional smack from the whip of that tiny guy who sits on top of me squeezing me with his thighs. Hmm, I can see why they might think I would be good at that role, but seriously, I’m a horse! The last time anyone tried to get a horse to act was when my great great great grandfather Mr Ed was employed, and no-one bought that whole talking horse thing anyway!”

So you say Neigh Thanks, and turn it down. Then one night, you are relaxing in your stable, and you are channel surfing because you are bored, it’s a tricky job, given your hooves, but you make a good stab at it and try not to crush the remote, and what do you see? Sex and The City. “WAIT!” you think, “that’s the show they asked me to be in!” So, you watch for a while, and lo and behold, there it is, ANOTHER talking horse! “OMG!” say you, “I NEVER thought they would get away with that again.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, Sarah Jessica Parker.

And as a side note, it’s surely no co-incidence that she shares the surname of another equine featured female. I just want to know where Esther Rantzen fits in with their family tree.  I’m beginning to suspect a conspiracy of half-horse half-woman beasts that are plotting to take over the world. Esther, going into politics, Camilla, married to the future King, and SJP, Queen of the Horse People.

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2 Responses to “Sarah Jessica Parker(-Bowles)”

  1. hastalavegan Says:

    My strong hatred of this woman mostly comes from the fictional character of Carrie she plays in SATC.

    Oh Carrie. Why oh why are you the central character of an otherwise perfectly lovely television show? Why must I hear your raspy whines of failed relationships? Why do you feel the need to whine when they have failed because of your insane ability to cling like a horse to a hay stack and your extreme paranoia, like a horses suspects the child that offers a handful of what looks like ‘Polos’?

    The icing on the cake was the day (episode) that you let the BEST thing that could have ever happened to you (hot Aidan) go. He was a man that could change you for the better. I could have maybe even enjoyed your character a little more had you stuck with him. But no. Yes I am a little bitter. The wounds are still sore. And your constant use of the phrase ‘I couldn’t help but wonder’ was like rubbing salt into the wounds. You are no longer in your field Sarah. You do not have the time to stand around at the stables, eating hay and ‘wondering’. Fuck you.

    Oh, and if I wanted to see a horse sleeping around with all the men in Manhattan I would go to the internet. THAT is where that filth belongs. Not on my TV.

  2. clackdish Says:

    why doesnt she find a rat to gnaw that moley thing off her fizzog ?

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