Uri Geller – no relation to Ross or Monica. They still have Friends.

Firstly, apologies for the lack of blog the last few days. The eldest and youngest Minxington children have succumbed to the chicken pox over the last couple of days and plus I had a Vegan land on me for a holiday, so I have chained her to the kitchen sink and am now ignoring her to write this.

Anyway, you can’t HELP but know that Michael Jackson is dead. It has after all been breaking news on Sky 1 for about 18 of the last 24 hours. Think they *might* have got round to removing the breaking news logo by now – and just gone for TODAYS TOP STORY instead, but I wouldn’t know because my attempts at a diana style overt display of handwringing wailing and swaying, whilst heading straight for the crash spot so I could lay my tribute bouquet, or you know, gawping like a moron while stuffing my face with bourbon biscuits (Did you know they are vegan? Most brands are anyway – but don’t let that put you off. ) had been somewhat impeded by stern looks from the Vegan who labelled me sad, then stuck a postage stamp on my arse and sent me to Coventry.

I had the good / bad fortune to get wise to the breaking news because I was farting about on Twitter at the time when it started to be talked about. Kids were in bed and I was patently trying to ignore the vegan because she’s been nothing but trouble since the moment she arrived. I did actually boot her up the arse today in Argos, things got a little heated and competitive over the arrival of our respective orders – she only ordered one thing, BEFORE ME, and I ordered FIVE things, AFTER her. And my stuff all got to COLLECTION POINT B first. HAHAHA. Anyway, her failure to lose gracefully led her to shamelessly berate me for handing her the larger of the two bags to carry. She whined like a wino. That means “a lot”. So I demonstrated the “Bishop Brennan” on her and she soon behaved herself. Sorry. went a little off tangent there.

So, I switched the news channels on to see what was happening, and lo, there’s Uri Geller talking about how he’s hanging on to a glimmer of a thread of hope that the rumours aren’t true and that he is going to be ok even if the coma rumour turns out to be true. Now, this is literally minutes after the story started to break. MINUTES. Theres no ACTUAL confirmation of the death yet, but either some desperate researcher scrabbling for someone to comment on it had called him, OR he had called into the studio himself to say that he was too upset to talk and then carried on talking anyway.

WHAT. THE. HELL?

 

"Look, I told you Mr Geller, I'm straight!"

"Look, I told you Mr Geller, I'm straight!"

So, there I am, with the husband and the vegan, gawking like the rubberneckers we were – and there’s Geller, the smug cutlery intimidating cunt, talking about how he can’t talk about it right now, he doesn’t have the words, but he’s devastated, and has no words, and has no comment when asked when he last saw him (which implied to me it had been a good while – didn’t they fall out anyway?) but he’s devastated, and has no words, and so many people are calling wanting to talk to him and he doesn’t even know whats going on yet, he doesn’t know if he’s dead but of course would much prefer it if he was in a coma than actually dead because coma is something you can come out of, deadness tends to be a bit trickier, but he has no words, and he will be in a better place now if it is true, which if it is, he has no words for.

Within an hour or so he’s actually ON camera talking about it, how he doesnt have the words, how he’s devastated. He doesn’t at that point encourage us to put our index fingers on a red button on the TV screen to focus positive energy to help Michael heal. This disappoints me slightly, after all, it worked for David Beckham’s cruiseship ligament. Nor does he use the power of his mind (has he actually got a large magnet mounted in his forehead that is charged in the polar opposite way to your average kitchen implement? Some sort of stainless steel repelling implant?) to ruin any perfectly serviceable spoons. He just doesn’t have the words to express how devastated he is. Of course, he can’t comment on how MJ has been recently. because he has no fucking clue, he’s just been pulled out of a nice snuggly spoons position and handed the opportunity of a deathtime to reinvent himself as “Friend of Michael Jackson” which will let him dine out for MONTHS along with all the other “FRIENDS” who will no doubt follow suit.

Of course, I should be careful what I say – he will already have read my mind and know that I have malice aforethought. Then he might start legal action against me, just like he did when he tried to sue Nintendo for creating a pokemon that he claimed was modelled in his image. No, not Jigglypuff, although that was my first thought too. I can’t be arsed putting this into my own words, so I shall just post it in its raw entirety lifted straight from Wiki.

“In November 2000, Geller sued video game company Nintendo for £60 million (the equivalent of US $100 million) over the Pokémon character “Yungerer,” localized in English as “Kadabra,” which he claimed was an unauthorised appropriation of his identity. The Pokémon in question has psychic abilities and carries bent spoons. Geller also claimed that the star on Kadabra’s forehead and the lightning patterns on its abdomen are symbolisms popular with the Waffen SS of Nazi Germany. The katakana for the character’s name, is visually similar to the transliteration of Geller’s own name into Japanese. He is quoted as saying: “Nintendo turned me into an evil, occult Pokémon character. Nintendo stole my identity by using my name and my signature image.””

HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.

That’s beautiful.

It was thrown out of court.

Twat.

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8 Responses to “Uri Geller – no relation to Ross or Monica. They still have Friends.”

  1. On hearing the news of the demise of the magnificent Michael Jackson, Uri was quoted as saying:

    “I cannot imagine a life without Michael Jackson.”

    Well you know what to blinking well do then Uri… I am concentrating on that picture of events right now and sending you my instructions via telepathic power waves… That’s right, now stand on the chair… Oh FFS Uri! You’re supposed to put your head in the NOOSE not the blinking NEWS – again! You poxy hanger on limpet. Go and make a bent spoon wind chime, or whatever else you do to fill the colossal amount of time you have on your ‘non-magic’ hands… you Nazi Kadabra bloke!

    RIP Michael – WE all know your best friend was “Ben.”

  2. dominoid747 Says:

    I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t agree with this one. You occasionally see him on the news talking about michael Jackson yeah, but he’s otherwise pretty quiet. There are people mroe media hungry. David Blaine: there’s a media hungry crap magician that I’d get behind!

    • worzelgummidge Says:

      “David Blaine: there’s a media hungry crap magician that I’d get behind!”

      That’s nice but this is not the right blog for talking about your celebrity crushes :no:

  3. MrsMinxington Says:

    Yes, but thats the point, you only ever see him on the news talking about Michael Jackson. Despite the fact that the general consensus is that he’s not really had any contact with Michael Jackson for some time now. From what I have read it would seem that it was UG encouraging MJ to do that godawful Bashir documentary that pissed on thats friendships chips, and that was how long ago?

    Shirley someone more relevant could have been found, had they not been in so much of a steaming hurry to roll out Uri again.

    • Oh please dominoid757 – have you been hiding in your war bunker for the past 2 days!? Media hunger does not equate to media presence usually for the U bend, tho he is now on his last wafer thin mint of limpet attention, if you get my ‘after 8’ drift. Veggies every where will B able to feast on his exploding matter… Personally I prefer lamb. Come to Mummy Larry…

  4. clackdish Says:

    dom ha ha you had your head stuck in the oven again !!!!!!!!

  5. He’s a spoon!

  6. clackdish Says:

    just a thought about another candidate for here what do you know about richard cawley ? hahahaha

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